Findings
2.1 Coming out is difficult for almost all LGBT people. For many Muslim LBT women, coming out to themselves and coming out to their family and friends can be further complicated due to issues relating to culture or religion. (See also under Identity &Mental Health) For many Muslim LBT women the consequences of coming out to family and friends are devastating.

2.2 Often coming out, or ‘being outed ’ by someone else, results in negative reactions from family and friends. These reactions can include (complete) rejection, sometimes leading to isolation; intensified pressure to get married, sometimes leading to forced marriage; physical or emotional domestic violence; and/or the loss of custody or contact with children. Coming out can also result in the sudden loss of all support systems and therefore affects matters such as housing, education and employment. (See also under the relevant headings.)

2.3 The reaction of (ex-) husbands (or other family members) to a Muslim LBT woman coming out is diverse. For example, some husbands have been understanding to some extent, but still insisted their wife ‘keep up appearances ’ whilst others became violent. Many women thought that male peer pressure in Muslim communities encouraged domestic violence. (See also under Domestic Violence.)

2.4 Class is a distinctly important factor in determining the effects of coming out. According to the experience of the Muslim LBT women informing the Safra Project, families from a middle or upper class background are more likely to have a more liberal attitude towards personal freedom and are therefore more likely to be tolerant. Women from these backgrounds are also more likely to have an education, be employed, they are therefore less dependent on their families.

2.5 Even coming out to peers can result in isolation. Some Muslim LBT women indicated that they have not been taken seriously or simply not believed when they have come out to friends. One young woman was forced to leave her college when, after confiding in a friend, rumours spread and people began talking about her negatively. Existing support groups for Asian women in schools and colleges are often hostile towards LGBT issues.

2.6 Some social workers don ’t feel able to talk to Muslim parents about the sexual orientation issues of their children because they are afraid that they would be acting in a culturally insensitive or racist manner. This leaves young LGBT Muslims who have run away from home, or who have problems at home (including domestic violence), to deal with the ‘coming out ’ process on their own.2.2

2.7 Married or divorced Muslim LBT mothers fear loosing custody, or even abduction, of their children if they come out or are found out. Some mothers found it extremely difficult to come out to their children because they feared being rejection by them. (See also under Marriage and Children.)

2.8 In mainstream LGBT circles there can be lot of pressure to come out. However, explicitly coming out to family and friends is not, at all times or in all situations, viable or safe for Muslim LBT women. Some may have found a certain balance in their life where they maintain contact with their family whilst leading their own life on a mutual ‘don ’t ask don ’t tell ’ basis. The gains of coming out in such a situation do not always outweigh the losses or (physical) risks.